Dark Shadows review

We need one more thing: a decent storyline.

Good laughs and the fabulously eccentric Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter aren’t enough to save Dark Shadows.

As you’d expect from Tim Burton, it’s a sensory feast. It’s playful and devilishly funny but is largely let down by a flaccid story that, apart from having been told a gazillion times before, is just so boooooring.

The cast, including Aussie Bella Heathcote, are fantastic as is the styling.

Worth it for: The KILLER soundtrack and Johnny Depp, brilliant as usual.

Verdict: If you like Tim Burton, it’s worth paying $11 for.

★★½☆☆

10. May 2012 by Coby
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The Five-Year Engagement review

Yes, Emily and Jason, I'll marry you both.

Good fun that’s better than most reviews suggest.

Over two hours, you may wonder if the movie could drag on for the full five years. It slows only at about three quarters through, but picks up for an entertaining rapid-fire finale.

Lots of lough-out-loud moments make up for the fact the couple’s problems aren’t even that bad.

Worth it for: Emily Blunt – what’s not to love about the Brit beauty? And Jacki Weaver – the Aussie stalwart in her Hollywood breakout.

Verdict: Good rom-com fun that offers enough for blokes.

★★★☆☆

02. May 2012 by Coby
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The Lucky One review

Even Taylor and Zac don't seem convinced.

As long as you don’t see it, you will be the lucky one.

There’s not enough time to meet the characters, so the love story is hard to buy into. And, although ge grew more handsome by the second, Zac Efron is not believable as a returning war veteran. Taylor Schilling seems schizophrenic. Blythe Danner is ok – but only because she’s Gwyneth’s mum.

The pace of the film doesn’t seem right, and the editing is – for the most part – sloppy. Even the most forgiving romantics won’t buy this.

Worth it for: The ‘sloppy’ editing makes for a hilarious sequence that shows the bottom of Beth’s skirt dripping just after a moment of passion. You’ll know exactly what I mean when you see it.

Verdict: Don’t even bother with the DVD.

☆☆☆☆☆

17. April 2012 by Coby
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Battleship review

I don't spoil the movie, bitchez.

This action-packed popcorn blockbuster requires zero thought.

Look, the movie is a bit stupid, but if you think that’s a deal breaker, what are you doing reading a review about aliens who come to earth to steal battery power. Yep, battery power.

There are waves of cliche moments, and you’ll be surprised to hear Rihanna is actually ok.

Worth it for: the well-crafted action sequences and the clever way it references the board game.

Verdict: It shouldn’t work, but it does. Good, mindless fun.

★★★½☆

08. April 2012 by Coby
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Titanic 3D review

I'm gonna see your boobies later.

I’m skeptical about movies turned into 3D after the fact, but it does make Titanic slightly better.

It’s still over three hours long, the ship still sinks, and I’m still sure there’s still room for Jack on that floating door Rose clings to. But it still remains one of the greatest love stories of our time.

Don’t miss this hilarious fuller recap or these idiots who thought Titanic was just a movie.

Worth it for: Kate Winslet’s boobies in 3D.

Verdict: It’s been long enough that Titanic is worth sitting through again.

★★★★½

05. April 2012 by Coby
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